As the school year approaches and new friendships, relationships, and other experiences are on the horizon, it’s important to teach your teen about setting healthy boundaries and having the confidence to enforce and respect those boundaries. When teens have a strong sense of self-worth, they’re more likely to trust their instincts, communicate their needs, expect to be treated with kindness and respect, and recognize when they are in an unhealthy relationship.
Why Self-Confidence Matters
Part of being able to establish healthy boundaries is having good self-esteem and a sense of self-worth. Confidence is about understanding your value and knowing that you deserve relationships built on honesty, trust, and mutual respect. Low self-esteem, on the other hand, can leave teens vulnerable to unhealthy relationships.
A young person who doesn’t recognize their own worth may excuse controlling or hurtful behavior because they believe they don’t deserve better. For those who experience dating violence or abuse, damaged self-esteem can also make it much more difficult to leave an unhealthy relationship and may continue long after that relationship has ended.
The Importance Of Boundaries
Boundaries are the limits we set in order to protect our physical, emotional, and mental well-being. This is the way we communicate what makes us feel safe, cared for, and respected in a relationship. Setting boundaries helps us set expectations and create the foundation for trust and mutual respect. It’s important to set boundaries and respect others’ boundaries so that relationships become healthier and more supportive.
Boundaries go far beyond just physical touch; boundaries can also be emotional, such as deciding what information to share, and digital, including how they interact online, who can contact them, and what behavior they’ll accept on social media or through text messages.
How To Set Boundaries
- Have your teen consider their own boundaries: such as what makes them feel comfortable, uncomfortable, safe, unsafe, respected, or pressured.
- Practice setting those boundaries: encourage them to communicate them clearly and respectfully, using direct and non-accusatory language, such as
- “I feel uncomfortable when…”
- “I need some time to myself after school.”
- “I’m not ready for that.”
- Encourage them to communicate boundaries with their partner: remind your teen that a respected boundary is the beginning of a healthy relationship.
- Communicate boundaries as they change: it is important to keep the line of communication open, clear, and ongoing, and to remind your teen to only make boundary changes because they want to, not because they are being forced.
- Help them understand that boundaries don’t have to be justified: your teen does not have to justify their physical space and emotional energy and has the right to decline physical touch and control how much time they spend with others.
Practice Setting Boundaries Before It’s Needed
Standing up for yourself isn’t always easy, especially during emotionally charged situations. Like any skill, setting boundaries becomes easier with practice. Make your home a safe space to practice setting boundaries. It is helpful to role-play common situations teens might encounter. The goal is to build confidence in speaking up for themselves and their boundaries.
Teach your teen that boundaries need follow through. They should understand what to do if someone refuses to respect that boundary. For example, saying, “If you continue to shout at me, I am going to walk away from this conversation.” Or, if a friend is continuously sharing personal information, it may be necessary to create distance from that friend.
Following through reinforces that boundaries are meaningful, not optional. It teaches teens that they’re allowed to protect their well-being when someone repeatedly oversteps their boundaries.
Setting Digital Boundaries
Digital boundaries are just as important as in-person ones, as many adolescent relationships take place online or communicate online. Remind your teen that they have control over their online experience and that they can unfollow or mute accounts, take breaks from social media, and have the right to decide who views their personal information, contacts them, or accesses their photos and messages.
Be A Safe Space For Your Teen
It’s important to set boundaries as a teen in a relationship, but it is also your responsibility as the parent to understand that boundaries won’t always be respected, no matter how hard your child learns to advocate for themselves. This is why you must create a safe environment in which your teen feels as if they can come to you without fear or punishment. They need to know that a trusted adult will listen, support, and help them.
Helping Teens Build Lifelong Confidence
If your teen is struggling with peer pressure, navigating difficult friendships, or entering their first relationship, remember that you don’t have to navigate these conversations alone. At Stepping Stone Shelter, we provide education, advocacy, and resources that help young people recognize healthy relationships, build confidence, and understand the warning signs of abuse.
Join us for our next Community Conversation on Teen Dating Violence on Thursday, August 6th, at 6:00 p.m. at HealthLinc in Michigan City. This free event offers parents, caregivers, educators, and community members valuable tools to support teens in building healthy relationships, recognizing unhealthy behaviors, and creating a future where every young person knows they deserve respect.
